speachless

Happy 4th of July. We had a softball tournament all day. We lost all three of our games but Red played awsome. She had her game face on. I am very proud of her. There is a very stuck up group of moms that do not sit with any of the other parents or cheer on anyone elses kids. I was reminded today not to let it get to me. "They put their clothes on just like we do and their shit smells just like ours" I just get so angry. But, that in itself is a whole other post for another time.
We are able to watch the fireworks from our driveway and enjoy them. I didn't watch but the kids did. I let Brit go off to a party. Big mistake. Her best friend, brought her home and she was so drunk. I am at a loss of words at this point. She leaves for Europe next Sunday. It is one thing that is not acceptable in our house. I don't even know where to begin or what kind of punishment I need to do. I would love to know what she was thinking. At this point, I put a sleeping bag in the backyard and drug her ass out there. I guess, we will deal with it in the morning. Oh yah, she works tomorrow (today) from 11-9. We will see what happens. Some more fireworks;)

Yard work

My poor backyard looks like shit. I have these ideas but never seem to follow thru all the way. I want an island get away back there. I want to be able to sit out there and enjoy it. But it never happens that way. Another, summer is here and still so much work to do. I just need to spend the money and get it done right. It doesn't help that we are so busy with sports and racing that it doesn't happen. I broke the lawn mower last week and had to borrow my dad's. When, will it ever end?

Sleep?

Sleep, what's that? Parker has been having problems with his asthma. We have been up for 4 nights in a row now. I wish, I could help him. I wish, I could make him all better, but I can't. I can only do what I have been doing. Treating it.
The doctors thought he might just out grow it. It has been getting worse as the weather has been getting hotter. He can't even enjoy playing outside, for a short time. We have never set limits with his asthma. Be a kid and go play. I am thinking, we might have to. I don't want to but, it can't be good for him to be using the machine for medicine all the time. All, the medicine can't be good for him either. I am going to have to call the doctor and see what we can do new. We have done so many things to the house and our lives to help prevent his asthma. I will have to wait and see what we come up with.
On a side note, I still have problems with the girl at C's work. It still bugs me. I guess, I just need to get over it but I can't.
C raced this weekend. The truck is still having the same problems as before. He took 3rd because of over heating problems again. Thought it was fixed but............guess not.
Becca had a tournament last weekend. They took 4th in the gold bracket. Not too bad. Some of the parents aren't too happy with coach. Not too sure what's up with him but, he has changed and Becca can't wait for the season to be over. She is really tired of the "special" ones not getting yelled at for their errors. High school ball is just around the corner. Earned spots and not just handed to them. She knows, she will earn her spot and the fact that she earned it rightfully.
Well, I think he might be down for the night. I sure hope so.

Unsure

This is so personal but I had to vent somewhere to someone. Curtis started a new job. YAH! He driving a dump truck. They have eight truck drivers, 2 are women. The 1st day he told me about both of them. Infact, one lives in the same town as us. He told me that she was pretty, not married (no ring, shit, I don't wear my ring sometimes) and he would like to fix her up with his brother. Hey cool.
Remember, this is just his first week on the job. They don't ride in the same truck, or work in the same little office space.
I found out yesterday they went to lunch together and he bought. What the hell? I worked in the mechial business for 3 years and never went to lunch with any of the guys, or let them buy me lunch. I was even single at the time. Many of times they asked me out after work to have drinks. Never!
He said, I am over reacting but it makes me feel so uneasy. I don't even know why he makes me feel this way. He has never done anything like this before. We are talking about my marriage here. The man I took vows with. We didn't even speak more last night. I was too upset.

Hmmmmm

This past week things have been so busy. Curtis went back to work. He has been working 11 to 13 hour days. It will make a nice paycheck when he gets one.We have had a hard time adjusting to him being gone. There are so many unfinished projects. I will have to try and get them done. I hate being outside doing yard work. It makes me sneeze, cry and itch. I need help!

We finished up with summer basketball yesterday they were 2 wins 2 losses. There were some tuff teams out there. Softball still goes until after the 4th of July. We are still going strong and good.

Parker stepped on a nail 2 weeks ago. Almost went thru his foot. Ended up taking him to the dr and on antibotices. Crazy kid, his asthma is acting up bad. We are just trying to get it under control and off so many meds. I hate to see him all drugged up. Doesn't know if he coming or going.

Curtis had races over fathers day weekend. He raced both trucks. The chevy took 4th and the ford................is a whole other blog day. We were on a winning streak and the battery got too hot and shut us down. Shit. We were the only ones that going into the finals without any losses. Four trucks left and she just got too hot. Hopefully, that will be fixed before next weekend. Races again. I will have to miss those do to my daughter playing softball.

The ford got a new paint job and I am going to see if I can post a picture of it.

Milestones and unhappiness

Another milestone without Frank....................Red had her 8th grade graduation yesterday. Not that she remembers him but he should have been there. She wears his number on her jersey proud. Why did you have to leave us, them. They needed you all this time. I needed you and still need you.
I am so unhappy right now. Even the kids are unhappy. How do I fix it? I hate waking up and not knowing what kind of mood he will be in. Everything, has to be on his terms and at this point I can't do it any more. What do I need to do so he can know he is emotionally hurting us? All my support is sucked dry.
I will have to figure this one out on my own......................................

Breath deeply. Just breath.

That is what I have to tell myself every day. There has been so much going on and so little time to tell or not even finding the right words.

Drama I am so sick of 8th grade drama! Petty little teenage girls. I didn't know it would get so bad. Who thought little sweet girls could be so evil. Yep, that's right, EVIL. Mine's not evil but she is not a saint either. One minute they are all friends and turn around back stabbing each other. I know in high school it gets better but enough is enough. I also feel the parents are in on this also. One parent, just wants her daughter to be #1 and she will do anything to get her daughter there. She doesnt even care who they walk over or what pull they use. *off soap box*

We are doing softball and summer basketball for the high school. Thats right high school. She got to be a starter on the jv team. I am one proud momma. The older girls were telling her good job and one parent even came up and praised her. She did that all on her own. She got there with her skills. She still is unsure of her skills but they will come in time. We moved up a level in softball and have had a week off back to the grind.

Europe is around the corner. Britt is getting so jazzed for it. Two more classes and she will be a Senior, where did the time go? She has been working like a fool to rack up some bank.

We hit another year without their dad. For some reason or another Britt and I were rather angry. Another, mile stone he missed. He has been gone longer than the girls were alive. So unfair. That is another post for another day when I have my thoughts and questions more together to share. I did start a journal shortly after he died. I have been thinking about sharing my thoughts soon on here. They were so raw back then, now I think they are just pushed to the side so I don't have to deal with them. Does anyone ever deal with death? I still can't. It just is so unfair and stinks. I could go on more but I don't want to right now.

We spent the day with the boys and their class at OMSI. It was pretty fun but let me tell you, I would much rather have 40 8th graders than 20 1st and 2nd graders. I came home and had a nice glass of wine or two. I just forgot how much engery they all had. They are just so dang cute but.................
Parker is home sick today, fever and body aches. Thought this crap was over?! The sun is out today and only 3 days of school left. Yep! 3 days before the headache begins. I wonder how much wine I am going to need this summer? haha