Sucks!!!!!!!!!

Today has been such a trying day. First, Becca is home sick in Seattle with my step sister and her family. What am I to do. She is not eating and crying. I told her I would come and get her but she wants to stick it out. If she is not happy...................I hate it when my kids hurt.
The boys have been hell on wheels today. Why? I guess, maybe because ford and I had a fight last night. We don't agree on how certain things should be handled. I don't believe in spanking with a belt. He does. With out going into a of detail but my dad raised us with a firm hand. I don't want my kids raised that way. When ford get really tired, he has no patience with the kids. It has gotten worse over the past 6 months. Mainly, when his mom found out she had cancer. Sometimes, he just leaves my heart aching. I am not sure if his love is healthly for us. If that makes any sense? I don't want to live the rest of my life walking on egg shells. Hell, life is too short. Trust me.
I know I could raise the kids on my own. I don't want to. I want us to be a family and that is slipping away so fast. The girls are older and doing their own thing.
I just feel he sometimes takes everything and turns it around. Which, then makes me the bad guy. What the hell! I am the one that holds this family together. He is the one that comes home...............works on truck, eats, and goes to bed. Maybe, he's not happy. I just wish he would tell so I would know.