A Loss

My step dad's dad died this morning. My step dad is my dad. He is more of a dad to me than my real dad. He has been my dad for 19 years. I am very proud to say he is my dad. Sure my real dad has been my dad longer but it takes more than sperm to be a parent. Sorry off topic and a little rant.
Mike got to visit and have a fun day with his dad on Wednesday. Friday he found out it would not be long. He had already made plans with Red. He would not change those plans because he wanted to remember the last fun day he had with his dad. He wanted to remember him the way he was. Mike is a very unselfish, caring, giving, and lovable person I know. I am proud to call him dad.
Dad I am sorry for your loss. Be strong.

Drama Queen

Drama Queen, aka Britt, aka Twitty, aks Princess, aka The first born. Who is she? She is my clone with her dad's crisma and spunk. She looks just like me but she has his eye color, his long legs and fingers. She was born June 17th, 1991 20 days late. Yep, that's right 20 days late. We knew she had a hole in her heart. When, I went in for a ultrasound at 5 months, the dr heard and saw irregular beat and blood flow. An echo showed she had the same defect as my brother, uncle and grandad. Passed down on my mom's side. My mom and I left in tears. I think she was more upset than I was. I had to be strong. I wanted my baby to be born safe and healthy. The specialist, said there was a chance it close up before birth or she would need surgery. I prayed. I prayed every night. I was put on bed rest after that. She needed to bake as long as needed. I had two other ultrasounds and echo after that. The hole was getting smaller and smaller. The doctor felt, as long as everything was ok, he was not going to induce until after 21 days. I was a first time mom and had irregular periods. From when, I knew I got pregant and ultrasound was 7 days off. But, I knew. The weekend before she was born, I had some spotting. Went to the hospital, I was not having any contractions and my cervic was clamp closed. I continued to spot all weekend. No contraction. Nothing. Nothing moving down below. Just closed up all tight. Well, Sunday night, I woke up in the worst pain ever. Took a shower. Contraction were there and I thought I was going to die. Went to the hospital. I was having contractions and barely a finger tip. They made me walk the halls, be checked again. Woo hoo I made it to 2. Let's do some more walking. I made it down to the chapel and prayed. Prayed for over an hour. My baby needed to be safe and healthy. When, I came back to be checked I was at a 4. The magic number. I was able to get some pain meds and sleep. It all went down hill from there.I stopped progressing, had to give poticin(sp). I made it to 7, when they came in to pop my water. Well, they were in for a surprise. It was green and brown. Now, they were concerned. They were not going to let her cry, they were going to whisk her away and make sure she had not sollowed any of the stuff. She didn't, thank God. When, I did finally get to 10, I pushed for over 2 hours, had to be cut from there to way down there, tore a muscle in my bum, and finally they used a vaccum on her head. Here was this cutest baby girl with tons of brown hair. 8lbs 2oz 22 inches long, Brittani Anne. The dr said if he had known she was that big, he would have done a c-section. Guess, my body isn't made for plump babies.Her apgar was not very good when she was born. She was gray in color. I do not remember what they were. After, about 3 hours later, I finally got to see my girl. We found out later, the hole in her heart had closed. Chest xrays were also clear. She was going to be ok. My little girl was going to be ok. I thanked God. He had answered my prayers.I thank God every day for this child. She is so free spirited, funny, her eyes twinkle when she smiles, she is smarty, too smart sometimes, she is beautiful, I am proud of her, she has brought joy to my life, she has been a rock for me and most of all she makes me enjoy life and smile every day.

Too Much Food

We had a great Thanksgiving. We went to my mom and stepdad's house for brunch. My 2 brothers were there with their familys. It was very laid back and yummy. The only problem is when you get the 3 boys together. My nephew is 6 and the boys are 8. I have "Z" every other week. He is like one of my own. We all sat around with our full bellies and watched all the kids play. Crazy.

We then headed off to hubby's mom house. That can be stressfull at times. His grandma is rather cranky. She was not too bad on Thanksgiving. We ate some more, sat around, caught up with his Uncle and his wife. All in all it was a very nice Thanksgiving.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I am thankful for so many things. I could not do a post about it. I am just wanting everyone to have a safe and happy holiday.
Tammy and family

Wordless Wednesday

Mean girls

I forgot just how mean girls can be. Teenage girls. Becca has had the same seven girls that hang out. One has been her friend sense first grade. She is the meanest. She is always putting Becca down. In the 7th grade her mom felt Becca and another girl were not including her. Well, Becca had been friends with the other girl as well for awhile. The other girl did not hang out with the other girl. Becca got caught in the middle. She wanted to be both their friend. Becca and I talked about what she could do to improve it. She tried to include both of the girls.

Now, this drama has pretty much been going on sense the 6th grade, 3 years now. Well, I have had it and so has Becca. She stood up to the girl today. (1st grade friend). She pretty much told her, if you don't have anything nice to say to me, then don't talk to me. You go girl. Becca was pretty much tired of her comments, such as "you really should wear cover up over your freckles" (hello she is a red head) "your breath stinks, did you brush your teeth?" (how about asking her if she would like a piece of gum", making fun of her shirt then wearing the same shirt the next week. The topping on the cake was "How dumb can you be, that test was easy, I got an A". Becca studied hard for a final and got a B on it. She has a hard time with test. She freezes, just like when she is up to bat.

The girl called and wanted Becca to hang out after school tomorrow. Becca told her she didn't want to because, she didn't like how she would always put her down. So she hung up on Becca. Becca's comment on that, "Guess, she wasn't a good friend"
I know this is not the best picture but I love that her reflection is in the picture. Washington DC.

Not Me! Monday?

I am new at this so bear with me,

I did not make the kids go back to bed this morning because it was too early. I did not bury myself under the covers this morning because it was too early. I did not stay up late playing a game on the computer last night. I did not sneak a mid night snack. I did not crawl out of bed put on a hat, go to coffee shop and get a mocha. I did not cry with my brother last night. I did not wonder all night if he was ok. I did not snuggle up with the hubby with my cold feet this morning and laugh.

Normal?

My feelings of missing Frank (girls dad) become so alive and raw this time every year. I become so moody and edgey. I just want to bury myself into a project or two.

Somedays Curtis just doesn't understand. Part of it is I will not let him in all the way to understand. I know, it's not fair. I guess, I am afraid to get hurt. But, in the long run, I'm still getting hurt and hurting him.

I often wonder what my life would be like. How would it be different. For some strange reason God wants me to take this path. It has made me a strong person. I can be too serious at times, but then too silly. I am who I am today because of Frank. When he died he left me with no income, 2 small girls, irs debt, medical bills and 2 car payments. We rented our house at the time so no house payment. It truely taught me to be stronger and not take life for granted.

He has missed out on alot. I know he is watching us and would be proud of who we have become. I think I have done a great job at raising the girls. They might even be normal. But what is normal?

2 sisters fighting last year on the floor.

Random thoughts for today.

Why do I always feel like I have to stick up for the kids. Curtis always finds something that they have not done or have not done right. Then it just ends up a fight with us. This feeling is getting old. Just my thoughts for today.
It just makes me miss the girl's dad even more.

Wordless Wednesday

Just Coffee Right?

The coffee maker broke yesterday, actually I tried to booty fab it last week. Curtis offered to go get me a coffee, nan. I will wait and get regualar coffee at the corner mart. Well, Britt had an errand to run before school and she offered to pick one up. She had a free one. Well, who would have thought that would have pissed Curtis off this morning and set the mood for the day.
We all know I have to have the last word, well, I just egged it on, on, and on. Looks like he won't be speaking to me for the rest of the day. Should be pretty quite around.
It's just coffee right?

My favorites

My men

like this one but curtis isn't in the picture all the way

I have a funny smile but we had been laughing

trouble

sisterly love

Family Pictures

questionable

We spent over an hour at the park trying to take some family pictures. When did it become so hard to get all of us together? We have "Drama Queen" that doesn't want to be part of the family. Red was glad to be there. The boys................just hate to have their picture taken. I look fat. Come on I have lost 25 lbs but my face. The jeans I have on (which are new) give me saggy ass. How come my daughters didn't let me know this? Hubby, he never says anything. We were using a pos camera. I am hoping for a new for xmas. Wish, wish, please, Santa. Maybe, I will have to try again next weekend for some pictures of the family. I might, even have to buy some jeans that fit. 15 more pounds and I will be at my goal weight. I think I can. I think I can. This one is ok.Like this one

Difficult

Some days I just feel like crawling under the covers and going back to bed. Today is one of those days.
Trying to get all the kids ready for family pictures at the park. There just seems to be too much teenage drama. Who knew it was too hard to wear what I ask or that your hair has some frizz. Girls. Gotta love them.

Teenage Drama and a chilli feed.

Cinnamon rolls (our batch) Truck trophies from this year

We belong to a racing team, Curtis races his ford truck (mud drags) and his trash derby car. Our team is holding a bake sale and chilli feed today. I am unable to go because the boys have a basketball game today.

I finished up my cinnamon rolls last night, everything was packed and ready to go. Well, we over slept but Britt was up and ready to go. I asked her why she didn't wake us up, "you are adults didn't know I needed to" Wow, that set the mood this morning that no amount of coffee can cure. Hopefully the day will get better.

Hmmmm, how late?

Why must I wait until the last minute? I have to make 3 dozen jumbo cinnamon rolls for a bake sale tomorrow. I am sitting her waiting for the dough to raise. Wonder how late I will be up tonight? Will post pictures of the finished product. Wish me luck.

What have we been up to?

Life has just entered the fast lane the past 6 weeks. I have just got in buckled up and hung on for dear life.

I am not even sure where to start. Britt has been getting ready for college and the service. Thats right the service. She has been looking at the airforce and army. She would like to council veterans. She is looking at 6 years of school and service.

Her part time job, started getting in the way of school. We encouraged her to give her notice. We really feel she needs to at this point focus on school and graduation.

Becca has just been trying to find her nich in high school. She had basketball tryouts and made jv. She has open gym for softball on Sundays, so that's where she spends her weekend. If she had her way she would be playing softball on the time. We have been looking for camps. The top choice is CWU.

The boys, are keeping us on our toes. Soccer is over. Basketball started, it is kind of lame if you ask me. We found out we have a "mat club" We ended up signing the boys up for wrestling also. We go to wrestling on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. They have basketball on Thursday (before wrestling) and Saturday. I don't believe in having kids do 2 sports at this age but they love wrestling which goes until the end of Feb and basketball ends Dec 13th. It is a very good thing we have late start every Friday morning. Dalton did not want to do wrestling but gave 2 practices a try and he loves it. We try and not have the boys wrestle each other. It makes them very happy. I just don't get why they want to be so different. They are twins.

In other news, my dad won the race for mayor of our small rural town. Congrats. There seems to be alot of city council drama going on right now. Oh well, politics for you. Hopefully, I will keep up with this.

I close with some pictures.......

I believe in her

I believe in her. Red had basketball tryouts this week. She made jv but they want her to swing and play jv2. I am not sure how she feels about that but she said she is ok with it. There was 2 players that were asked to play swing because, coach wanted them to help with the others because he was impressed with them. I just don't know how it works.

Red did not want to try out for basketball this year. I really wanted her to because, I believe in her. I guess, I should have not pushed. Some of her friends made the big "V" but she is ok with that. She said she know she will get more playing time than the others. I just don't know how some coaches think but that is why I don't coach.

I just wanted her to know "I believe in her"