My absent in pictures

Life has just been a whirl wind. So much has happened, plus it seems there is not much time to spend on the computer with summer here.

Brittani did it, class of 2009. She did it with honors for all 4 yrs, in the top 20% of her class. Very proud of her. Now if she could only find a job. She will not leave for boot camp until Nov. Wow, we are so proud of her.

Becca is just Becca. Life is good for her. She doesn't really care what she is doing as long as it has to do with sports. She did get picked up to play a tournament and showed them all what she was made of. Waiting for another tournament this weekend. Crossing our fingers.

The boys will be in 3rd grade and Papa will be there teacher. Too funny. It might be a long year.

Curtis has finally gone back to work, but he hates his new job. Still looking for a better one. He is just not happy.

Curtis' dad came for a 10 day visit. It was great to have him here. I only wish he would move up here. It would be so much easier.

We have gone to the races 2x this year and more to come.

Hopefully, I will have more updates soon............................

family, memories, bitter sweet, peace, and love

This basically sums up my feelings the past month. This time of year is so difficult for me. 12 years ago today, I lost my first true love. My best friend, my lover, my hero, the dad of my girls. I could go but words really can not express how I feel. I always dread this day. I hate every day leading up to. It just means, life has gone. Another day without him. Another day that he missed his daughters growing up.
I remember his smile, his laugh, his voice, his smell, his touch. He left me with the greatest gift all, Brittani and Becca. It is for them, that I keep on going. I am glad that I have been apart of their life. They remind me every day of him. I look into their eyes and see him. Becca's goofiness and love for life is him. Brittani's flirtiness and everybody's best friend is him.
It is today, that I miss you the most. It is each and every day of the year I thank you for sharing your short life with me.
I miss and love you.

Prom

Becca, Britt, and I

A hug for the road

Ready to leave

The dress

The girl. I love this picture. This is what Britt is all about.

Oh, how my baby has grown in to such a beautiful young lady. I am very proud of her and beam with joy.

A win

Red's team had their 1st league game. They won! 9-0. Red did a great job. No errors. Made 3 outs. Had 1 walk and 2 hits. Scored 2x, left on base the 3rd time.
I can't even begin to explain who this girl is. Well, I can. She is my daughter who I am very proud of. This is the same daughter that lost all of her self confidence in herself during basketball season. It is wonderful to see her back. It is great to know she has a coach that believes in her.

Spring is in the air

Or should I say spring is in the rain. Yesterday, was awful. It rained cats and dogs or as my aunt said "small farm animals" The boys had their first soccer game yesterday. We all came home muddy and wet. Spring soccer is 1 month long with games on Saturday and Sundays.
Curtis is also coaching a girls 14U softball team. Becca is playing high school ball, and Britt is getting ready for Air Force and graduation. I am thinking we are going to have a very busy spring and summer.
Top photo is of Dalton, he is in the middle of the other 2 team mates. Remind, you they are the same age. My guy is just little. My boys are the smallest on the team and the oldest. What's up with that?
I call the 2nd photo "soccer brothers for life"

Spring

Spring is in the air. Softball has started. Our first game was cancelled do to rain. Spring is a crazy season in Oregon. It can rain one day, sunny the next, maybe even some snow. Today the weather man said "dry". I am holding him to that. I want to go watch some softball.
Go big Red

Not me Monday

Ok, so sue me. I am a day late.

Over the weekend, I did not turn 40. Wow. I did not find out about a surprise birthday party only to not be unpset about it. I did want a surprise party.

*I did have a great birthday. We went to Applebee's. I had a great time visiting family and friends. My brothers, sister in law and Curtis went to the Wild Hare a local bar, to hang and listen to a live band. It was nice to sit, drink, watch poeple, and see old friends from high school. On Sunday, (my birthday) we went to the casino and did a little gambling. I lost. I couldn't even win if I tried.

I did get a new camera. Still trying to understand it and play with it.

Lucky Me

One of my favorite holidays is St Patty's Day. No, I am not Irish. There is Irish on both sides of my family. My great-grandma was 1/2 Irish but as we go down the line, I didn't get any of her traits but her eyes. The shape and color. My eyes are hazel, more on the green side. More importantly, one of my eyes has a brown/gold speck in the same spot as my g-grandma's which she got from her g-grandma.

Right after, the boys were born, Becca got sick and we found a lump on the side of her neck. It was the size of a walnut. When, you are 6 yrs old that can be pretty big. She was tested for cancer, which came back negative. After, 4 weeks of trying to treat it, with it never getting bigger or smaller, they removed it. They removed a lympnoid that had been attacked by a cluster of red blood cells. Again, tested for cancer, negative. A sigh of relief.

At that time in my life, my faith was shaky. I wasn't sure if God was going to take Becca away from me because, he had just given me 2 boys. No, he was yet again testing how strong, I was. How strong my faith in him was. I think God only gives you has much as he thinks you can handle. When, I left the hospital, I looked at life a little different. I left with all of my 4 kids. We were going to be ok.

6 months later, I got something to remind me of my 4 kids, lucky to have 4 kids, lucky to be the one to get my g-grandma's gene, lucky to be alive and full of life.

I have my lucky charm with me for the rest of my life.

Not me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net">her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.


This past week has not been a nightmare. My in-laws didn't move in with us last Monday. They have not been here a week. Lil G isn't a crab that didn't take over our new tv. She didn't sit on the couch and watch tv for 17 hours straight one day. My brother in-law didn't time her. Nope, not at the Ford house.
*I am trying to be nice here. I know she is old and lived a very long life but she is very unhappy and crabby at everyone. My poor house and family is displaced. I do not want to seem ungratefull or mean to her.*
Red had softball tryouts last week. Drum roll, please................she made 3rd base VARISTY! She even beat out last years 3rd base varisty player. You go girl. She rocks!
Back to our scheduled program
I am not reeling in the fact that I will not be 40 next Sunday. Ouch. I didn't tell my old high school friend the following "what does it matter, everything has already gone south, I already dye the gray hair(s), and I already have stock in wrinkle cream" It doesn't matter. 40 is going to be great. Right?
I don't have alot to post about my brother and his pyscho ex but, I am saving that for another day. All I can say is.........Thursday, is the day. She has broken the law. Friday, I can tell all.

Being strong

I sometimes think life just really sucks sometimes but I realized the other day that life isn't that bad.
I truly believe God gives us only what he thinks we can handle. 12 years ago he made me a stronger person by giving no more than he felt I could have handled. I may have lost my way with God. I was very angry at him. In fact, I thought I was being punished. As I look back on those days that seem so black God was right there with me. He was guiding me to be stronger.
I am thankful for my family, good health, friends, and support. I read some truly sad stories about families that have lost or losing their child or children, unborn baby or babies. Some are born sick and others get sick. These stories leave me speechless. These parents strength and beliefs amaze me. I just want others to know how much I admire them for their strength.

The next stars?

I took this picture last weekend. It looks like I could have some new stars in the family. Father and Sons? You never know. It was keeping them busy, I was able to read alittle in my book without the kids bugging me.

Good bye basketball here I come softball

Those were Red's words last night after she played her last basketball game for the season. They lost by 3. We are really hoping the jv coach will not be back next year. If she is Red let me know she will be trying out for cheerleading. haha
Varisty girls took 2nd in league and will be going onto state. I hope they go far.
We are now onto the next season of sports and now it has started to rain. We could even have snow tomorrow morning in the valley floor. Red is thinking we should move somewhere dry and warm so she can play softball all year long.
We are really looking forward to an awsome softball season.

Not me Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Oops. I didn't forget that it was "not me Monday". Really what was I thinking? I didn't spend the evening with my niece (who doesn't look anything like my oldest daughter) teaching her to "air burp" It wasn't so funny that my mom and I almost peed our pants. We weren't on the floor rolling in laughter. Has anyone ever seen a 2 yr old trying to burp on command?

I didn't spend my morning watching 3/4 grade girls play basketball while Red refed the game. It wasn't so boring that I almost fell asleep. Oh how I don't remember those days. I then didn't go help with the new softball fields. I didn't spend the next 2 hours picking rocks out of the infield. Nope not me!

I almost didn't come unglued at the coach on the phone Friday night. I also didn't hear that 2 more girls quite because they can't stand her with only a handful of games left. Nope, not me!

Softball brings sunshine and smiles.

We are wrapping up winter sports here and spring sports are starting. That means softball. Yah. I love to watch Red play basketball but my favorite is softball. She plays short stop which is what her dad played. How fitting? Just by chance one year she got his number also.
She had a clinic with a college coach last weekend and got some good pointers. He felt she is ready for the Big V team. Both of the high school coaches also liked what they saw. I am really hoping she makes the varisity team. She needs it. She has been really down on herself during basketball. The coach is a horses ass. I am really hoping she will not be back next year. Last night, she was out of line and Curtis ended up calling her and talking with her. She sent Red a text about a practice that Red didn't know about. Red wanted to know when they were told about practice. She told Red "not to talk to her in that tone" Wow! Red came to me upset, I could not believe what she had said to her. The coach was totally out of line. It has been a long bumpy road in basketball. I am hoping for softball to be better. With softball, around the corner it also means the sun will be out and smiles.

Not Me! Monday?

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over t">http://www.mycharmingkids.net">he> blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.





I guess, I might be lacking in the post department because, well I really don't have an excuse.

Last week, I did not lay in bed while Ford got Big D ready for school because, I was just too lazy and cold. I didn't have to get up at 2 am to a barfing kid. That did make it to the toilet. I did not spend the next 2 hours mopping the bathroom floor, cleaning the walls and scrubing it with bleach from top to bottom.
I really didn't feel like spending Saturday in my sweats watching tv and reading a book. I didn't have to be tickled and sweet talked to get off the sofa and get ready to take the kids to target. Nope, not me.
Lastly, I didn't beam from ear to ear as I watched my daughter play an awsome basketball game. Which, didn't go into over time. Which, they didn't win. Nope, not me.

My little Sicky

There has been so much going on here at the house with Parker. He got a cold and his asthma flaired up. We went to the drs. Between 4 meds, antibotic, steriod, cough, and another steriod for the neb machine the poor little guy didn't know if he was coming or going. He came off the steriod on Saturday, by Sunday evening we were using the machine every 3 hours. Took him back to the drs yesterday, they did a chest xray and they were clear. Thank god. But his asthma is out of control. Dr put him back on steriod for 3 weeks and finish up antibotics. Last night, he was up all night throwing up, and we had to use the neb machine. If he is not better by Friday morning I am to bring him back in. He has to eat to take the steriod but then he just throws it back up. I don't know if he caught the flu on top of what he already has. I just want him to get better.

Giving getting some much needed mom and Parker time the other night.

not normal

Our life this past 3 months has just not been normal. I wish this would go back to how they were. I am really missing my nephew and I know my brother is also. I can not understand how a mother can keep their child away their dad. I am not being bias, but my brother is clearly the better parent. But she has the welfare system wrapped around her little finger. What I don't get is she already signed her older daughter over to the dad. I am thinking it has to do with different last names or our court is just that screwed up.
Just thinking about my web slinging, wall climbing, spiderman Z. Aunt Tammy loves and misses you.

Bad week

It has been just a long, out of sorts week. I am hoping thing will get better. So much going on and not going in the right way.
I wish things would look up for my brother. I have been his shoulder to lean on this week. Parker has been home sick with a cold so his asthma acts up.
We are taking today to visit some friends.

They Won

Woo Hoo. They won. Red played like she was on fire. One proud mama.

Wordless Wednesday

Not Me! Monday?

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to http://www.mycharmingkids.net">her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

I did not cry as I helped my daughters get ready for winter ball. I was not sad as how fast and how much they have grown up this past year. I did not or do not think Britt reminds me of myself at that same age.

Britt and I did not fight all the way to my nieces birthday on Saturday. It has nothing to do with control issues on my part. I don't think I have a problem of not being in control. Me a control freak? Not!

I did not let the boys stay up late playing rock band. I did not give it a try to find out that I suck. Even on the easy play.

Why?

Why? On Fridays, we have late start at school. The kids have to fight all morning long. Not just the boys but the girls also. The girls have to be smart butts to me and Curtis. I give up on Fridays. I just want to know WHY? What a way to start the weekend.

Some days things just don't go the way they should. This week has been one of those days. The boys have done nothing but fight. The girls have just been mouthy. When will it ever end.
Last weekend was just awful. I am just emotionally drained. Curtis and I do not see eye to eye on alot of things and we just end up fighting. To the point that I was ready to leave with the kids. I have to have the last word and he has to always be right. I have yet to hear him say he was wrong or that he was sorry.
My brother's legal issues are pulling us all down. I just don't know how the x can just make up stuff and have cops believe her? How can she take his son away? He has to come up with 1500. to hire a lawyer while she can use legal aid "because of domestic violence" She is claiming he has beaten her. I have known both of them along time and she is a liar. Her day in court will be soon. I am not just saying that because he is my brother, I am saying it because, this is the second time she has been down this road, just with a different guy.
Granted we are not a perfect family but she has done nothing but bring my brother down along with his family. I really don't want to air my dirty laundry but sometimes, it's all I can take. I don't know who I am more mad at.......her, court system, cops, my brother, lawyers. He just wants to see his son. I want to see the little man. I miss him.
Becca had a game last night. She played great and I smile from ear to ear every time someone complements me on her. She rocks! At the start of the season, she didn't believe in herself, now she is coming into feeling good about her skills. She knows she is getting stronger and better. The coaches are even telling her and working more with her one on one. She has 3 more years of basketball in high school, they are grooming her for the up coming years.
Britt is still trying to figure out Air Force or Army and what programs suite best for her. We stand behind her 100% on whatever she wants to do. Well, no student loans. I don't believe in those. I wish my parents backed me in high school but my brothers got most of their time. My mom was also getting ready to leave my dad.
Well, it's off to city council to see what is going on in our city. Fun!

She Rocks!

They may have lost the game by 6pts but "Red" played the whole game and had the most points. Rock on girl.

Being Strong

I just want to give a shout out to my brother. You maybe, 5 yrs younger than me but I look up to you for your strength. I saw you crumble today but you picked yourself up. You are a fighter who will not let her bring you down.
You will keep on fighting to the end. I will be standing right by. 12 years ago you let me lean on you and now I am here for you. Lean on me.
We will fight whatever, she throws at us. She will slip up and they will see right through her as the others have.
I know it is not fair that you can not see your son. I know you miss him and I do not know how you do it but you keep going. Knowing he is all you have.
You are a wonderful dad. Know that we love you and so does little Z.
Be strong.

Wordless Wednesday

Not Me! Monday?

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I am not playing "Not me Monday" from MckMama
I didn't play a video game all day yesterday. A game that I just hate. A game that I can beat my sons at.
Ford and my brother didn't work on his truck all day. They didn't need a bar of soap for their potty mouths. My sons' didn't come running in and tell me the word that they used. Oops. I didn't then hear my son use that word when his lincoln log house got ruined. I almost didn't have a heart attack when he explained to me that "dad and unc say it all the time, just don't tell mom where you heard it" What? I didn't ban the boys from the garage while they were working on trucks. Then, I wasn't told to quick over reacting and boys will be boys. Nope not by my brother.
I didn't make 3 pumpkin rolls with cream cheese filling for my family to eat them all. Then, to tell me there is nothing to eat in the house. I didn't get 2 request from my brother to make him some if he buys the goods.
I didn't smile proudly when my daughter made baskets at her last game. And, I didn't glare at the women behind me who made a comment about my daughter. Even, when she keep on flapping her mouth, I didn't turn around and I didn't let her know that was my daughter. Nope, not me.

2009

I am just hoping 2009 is a much better year for us. 2008 stunk! Plain and simple. I think it all pretty much started in March when we found out Curtis' mom had colon cancer. Curtis was really sick also. After, many test he found out he has adult asthma and allergic to his own body. They gave it some name and I can't remember. His meds have sucked us dry. He got laid off. Twig's recovery was a long road ahead for all of us. We didn't know that it would be until October that she would start to be feeling better. Curtis found another job that lasted 3 months and laid off again. Brittani spent 3 weeks in Europe which I had panic attacks about. Trouble with calling cards, atms and a whole mess with the bank that should have been addressed before she even left. I think I lost many sleepless nights and gained a few gray hairs.
We have been struggling money wise this past year and feel that our ship is barely afloat. Between Curtis' and the boys' meds each month it is a struggle.
My brother is going through nastey custody battle with his ex. I have many sleepless nights worring about him. He lost his job also.
Curtis' brother has gone awal and hanging out with the wrong kind of people, such as my brother's ex. One would think he would know what kind of person she is. He will only learn the hard way such as my brother did.
I know this is only the tip of what happened but it has to be better.
Curtis has a job interview on Monday and I am crossing my fingers that he gets hired. It is a city job so the benifits will out weigh the wage cut that he will be taking. Becca's team won their basketball last night. The first game of this year. She even made the first points. You go girl. Brittani meets with the airforce next week and everyone goes back to school. My brother has 2 court dates next week to get his son back. I am looking to this as a good start.