WOW

I can't believe 2009 is just around the corner. I hope it brings much love, happiness, health and good to all. Time goes by so fast and the kids are growing way too fast. Before, I know it Brittani will be out of school and out of the house.
Closing with some Christmas pictures,




All the grandkids, plus a couple moms.
take 1 and 2
Santa aka papa and Dalton
HAPPY NEW YEAR

Recovery.

Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas and all is well. I am still trying to recover from the holiday.
We spent Christmas with my mom and step dad. My brothers were there along with my step sibs. It was a whole house full. Great food and company. I had the most fun playing with my 22 month old niece. She is a spit fire and my mini me. She looks just like me and Brittani when we were little.
I found out Tuesday night, Curtis' family was coming over on Christmas and I am cooking. WTF? His mom brought over prime rib on Christmas eve for me to cook. I had never cooked a prime rib. With alittle help of google, we had a very nice dinner. The only down fall to Christmas, I woke up sick with a chest cold and still trying to get better. I hate taking medicine and going to the dr. Just trying to tuff it out.
Saturday we spent at my dad's. The best part about that, is my dad now lives in my grammy's house that he grew up in. That we all grew up in. I love going back to the farm. We all met for breakfast. I brought cinnamon rolls with maple frosting. As always, good food and too much too eat.
We spent today taking down all the lights and tree. Finding places to put away all the new toys the boys got and wash all the new clothes the girls got. Curtis and I don't buy for each other. We feel Christmas is for the kids and giving to others.

Merry Christmas

Brittani and Becca Dec 2008

Not Me! Monday?

I did not worry about my brother all weekend. He isn't going thru a nasty custody battle with his oh so ever sweet ex wife. Nope!
I didn't sneak a piece of chocolate cake last night after, everyone went to bed. I didn't sit there in the dark and savor every last bite.
I didn't wish that it would quit snowing so, I could finish up my Christmas shopping. I don't hate the snow. I don't like to sit in the warmth of my house drinking "apple pie", in the dark just with the outside Christmas light on watching the snow fall.
The weather man didn't say "this is the most snow fall we have seen in 40 years" Wow, can you believe it. Come on we live in the rainy northwest. What is this white stuff?

Snow and the kids are home

Cemetary by the school

View from school yard

School

Don't know which one, snowboarding

Becca

Wine, wine, wine, take me away. The kids only had school one day this week. Now, Christmas break starts on Monday. They are driving me nuts. Brittani is fighting with me. Becca is just a smart ass and the boys...................well, they are fighting with everyone. It is very hard to keep 2 8 year old boys busy and out of everyone's hair.

We did drive up to the school yesterday and play in the snow. We had to chain up 3 miles from our house. It was cold and alot of fun. Weather man said snow, ice and high winds are on the way tonight. We have been advised to have supplies on hand for cold and power outages. They even have talked about closing down a couple of highways. Wow! I don't know if us "Oregonians" know what winter weather is other than rain.

ups and downs of my feelings

As the holidays get closer, I throw myself more and more into keeping busy. I just hate this time of year.
I ache for the girls' dad. He was a great person. He impacted my life along with my brothers life. My brothers looked up to him. They thought of him as a big brother. He was a big brother, friend and role model to them. My brother's ex spouse has drug him into the mud and he is trying to get out. The only thing that keeps him going is his son and the impact Frank left on his life. I hope Frank knows when he left us here, he left a huge impact on our lives that made us stronger. I believe, when he died he gave us his strength.
We are going on our 12th Christmas without him. I remember our last Christmas together like it was yesterday. We looked so happy. We were happy. If I could have looked into his eyes and known what pain he was in, I would have given my body and soul to help him. I just wish he would have told me how much pain he was in.
I remember how raw the pain was in the early days. Now sometimes, I just am numb. No feeling at all. I often wonder, if I had not built this brick wall around me if I wouldn't be so numb. Have I truly grieved for him? I think as milestones happen in life, I try to keep it together without loosing it. I have to right?
When, Frank died, I lived in this bubble that protected me from the outside world. My world stopped. It wasn't until later, that I realized that the world keep moving and life still went on. It didn't for me. I look back, and can't believe it has been almost 12 years. 12 years without him. I have lived my adult life longer without him than with him.
The man that gave me a rose, the second time I saw him. I never told him, but he melted my heart the first time he smiled at me from across the room at a party. The man, that stole my heart that night. The man, that taught me how to bait a hook, gut a fish, go hunting, sleep in the back of a truck, climb the roof and watch a meteor shower, or look up at the stars and how bright they were on a clear night. He showed me the correct way to make pancakes or better yet how to do straight shots of tequila, play strip poker and call his bluff or is that buff? Most of all he taught me how to love myself, to be strong, to believe in myself, to smile everyday, how to be a better person. We may have struggled in the beginning of raising our girls but we taught each other how to be parents.
I know he thought the girls and I would be better off without him. I just wish my love was enough for him. I just wish......................................it was enough for him, because his love was enough for me.

Not Me! Monday?

Wild, crazy, and out of control week and weekend we had. Who would have thought. I did not drive 2 hours away to watch Red play basketball and go shopping. I did not go to Walmart and find a bleacher cushion of OSU on clearance or a bleacher chair for hubby. It was not a steal. I also had enough room in the car for her to ride home with us because, we didn't have too many present in the car. We didn't make room for her. She didn't play the whole game, and she didn't play like a 6 foot star. Nope, not my child.
The boys didn't get sick, and they didn't have their last basketball game. I didn't let them go, and I didn't tell their coach take it easy on them. The boys also didn't each make a basket. We didn't have a pizza party afterwards with a bunch of "well mannered boys" Nope, not us.
Saturday, wasn't filled with ball, birthday or Christmas parties. We didn't skip my brother's birthday party at a local bar and grill. We didn't lounge on the sofa watching tv when the kids went to bed. We didn't wake up to snow, wind or ice on Sunday morning. We didn't have to make a 2 hour drive into 4 for my granddad's service. We didn't pretend to be all nicey nicey to relatives we don't like. Nope, not me, the perfect child, daughter, grandchild. Nope, not me. Boy do I have them all fooled.

On a side note, we did have my granddad's service on Sunday. It was very nice and laid back. He would have liked it very much. We did have to drive thru some awful weather. Oregon, usually only rains but we did get snow and pretty much they shut down the city. It was a fun time in the truck, chit chatting with hubby and boys. The girls rode with other family. We saw a semi wreck over the center barrier and lots of wrecked cars along side the road. It is very scary how mother nature works. We hope the truck drive is ok and everyone else who was in a wreck. This is the last week of school before break. There was no school today but more snow is on the way. I really hope we can make it out this week before, Christmas break.

Clean

Lysol, Lysol, Lysol. Help me! I am tired of the smell of Lysol and bleach. Everyone has clean bedding. Every light switch and door handle has been washed down. Crossing fingers that no one else gets sick.

Sickness

Sickness has over come my house. Yep, that's right. The creep and crud. Curtis went to the drs and it is just a virus. He woke up Wednesday sick. The smell that creeped from his body was gross. The dr is just having him treat his symptoms. Well, this morning Dalton woke up, with the same thing. His asthma has really acted up. Parker seems to have started coughing also. Looks like it's time for the Lysol. Let's hope, no one else gets sick. KNOCK ON WOOD!

Not Me! Monday?

Not even sure where to begin. We had an off weekend.

I don't have a sore bum from sitting on the bench at too many basketball games. I didn't scream and yell when Red's team won, their first game. I didn't beam from ear to ear when the parents behind me told me "your daughter is a very good player". I didn't blush when the man next to me told me "that my other daughter looked just like me and she was very beautiful". I didn't want to strangle the boys' neck 2 minutes after I picked them up from school. They didn't fight all the way to the game. A 90 minute drive. I didn't put the earphones in and listen to the ipod the whole trip.

Insane or Not?

This was taken last year. This could be why I seem to have lost my mind.

They lost

They lost. boo hoo. Becca didn't play well. She said she was in a funk. By the 3rd quarter, my old child was back somewhat. "V" won by 1pt. It was back and forth. I love those games. She has another game Saturday. Then on Monday. That's a whole lot of ball.

Dec 5th Already?

Dec 5th already? 20 more days until Christmas. Where does the time go? We have just been so busy. At the last minute we went to the casino. We spent the day with some family then went xmas shopping. What a blast. Curtis finally loosened up and had some fun. We made a killing on the penny machines. Yes, the penny machines. We started with $100. We each had 40, then a 20 tucked away. I played on a penny machine for 2 hours and turned it into $128. We went and had lunch. Then played some more. Curtis' 40 turned into $160. So all in all we did pretty good. We came out ahead. We then went xmas shopping with our winnings. We had left that morning at 8 and didn't get back home until around 8. It was really nice to get out and relax for awhile.
Becca had her 1st game. They lost but I am very proud of her. She tried to get an offensive foul but didn't happen. The ref called it on her. The crowd went wild with boos. Just a bad call. The bruise on her elbow is awful. She scored some points. The "V" coach told me she played like she was 6ft tall. She is only 5' 1". Yep, that's my daughter. I have always believed in her. We have an away game tonight.
Britt has her "sats" tomorrow. Then, who knows from there what is going on with her. Seniors. The boys have a game tomorrow and so does Becca. Going to be a busy weekend.

Basketball

Red has her first basketball game today. Woo Hoo. I am so jazzed as, I love to watch her play basketball.
They got their uniforms last night, along with new warm up gear. Such a goof ball grabbed a large pants. You could fit another person in those pants.
She is pretty nervous about tonight. She will do fine. She always does.

Not Me! Monday?

I did not pray for Monday to hurry up and get here so the kids could go back to school. I did not stay up late playing a computer game because it was quite. I did not jump out of bed this morning all jazzed because the kids were going back to school. I did not spit shine Dalton's faces this morning because he had milk on his face. I did not hurry back home to read the paper and enjoy my coffee in quite. I did not soak in the bath this morning because it was quite. I did not paint my toes and watch a movie this morning. I did not jump on the scales this morning and I did not almost have a heart attack when, I did not look at them because I was not afraid to. Nope, not me.
Happy Monday

A Loss

My step dad's dad died this morning. My step dad is my dad. He is more of a dad to me than my real dad. He has been my dad for 19 years. I am very proud to say he is my dad. Sure my real dad has been my dad longer but it takes more than sperm to be a parent. Sorry off topic and a little rant.
Mike got to visit and have a fun day with his dad on Wednesday. Friday he found out it would not be long. He had already made plans with Red. He would not change those plans because he wanted to remember the last fun day he had with his dad. He wanted to remember him the way he was. Mike is a very unselfish, caring, giving, and lovable person I know. I am proud to call him dad.
Dad I am sorry for your loss. Be strong.

Drama Queen

Drama Queen, aka Britt, aka Twitty, aks Princess, aka The first born. Who is she? She is my clone with her dad's crisma and spunk. She looks just like me but she has his eye color, his long legs and fingers. She was born June 17th, 1991 20 days late. Yep, that's right 20 days late. We knew she had a hole in her heart. When, I went in for a ultrasound at 5 months, the dr heard and saw irregular beat and blood flow. An echo showed she had the same defect as my brother, uncle and grandad. Passed down on my mom's side. My mom and I left in tears. I think she was more upset than I was. I had to be strong. I wanted my baby to be born safe and healthy. The specialist, said there was a chance it close up before birth or she would need surgery. I prayed. I prayed every night. I was put on bed rest after that. She needed to bake as long as needed. I had two other ultrasounds and echo after that. The hole was getting smaller and smaller. The doctor felt, as long as everything was ok, he was not going to induce until after 21 days. I was a first time mom and had irregular periods. From when, I knew I got pregant and ultrasound was 7 days off. But, I knew. The weekend before she was born, I had some spotting. Went to the hospital, I was not having any contractions and my cervic was clamp closed. I continued to spot all weekend. No contraction. Nothing. Nothing moving down below. Just closed up all tight. Well, Sunday night, I woke up in the worst pain ever. Took a shower. Contraction were there and I thought I was going to die. Went to the hospital. I was having contractions and barely a finger tip. They made me walk the halls, be checked again. Woo hoo I made it to 2. Let's do some more walking. I made it down to the chapel and prayed. Prayed for over an hour. My baby needed to be safe and healthy. When, I came back to be checked I was at a 4. The magic number. I was able to get some pain meds and sleep. It all went down hill from there.I stopped progressing, had to give poticin(sp). I made it to 7, when they came in to pop my water. Well, they were in for a surprise. It was green and brown. Now, they were concerned. They were not going to let her cry, they were going to whisk her away and make sure she had not sollowed any of the stuff. She didn't, thank God. When, I did finally get to 10, I pushed for over 2 hours, had to be cut from there to way down there, tore a muscle in my bum, and finally they used a vaccum on her head. Here was this cutest baby girl with tons of brown hair. 8lbs 2oz 22 inches long, Brittani Anne. The dr said if he had known she was that big, he would have done a c-section. Guess, my body isn't made for plump babies.Her apgar was not very good when she was born. She was gray in color. I do not remember what they were. After, about 3 hours later, I finally got to see my girl. We found out later, the hole in her heart had closed. Chest xrays were also clear. She was going to be ok. My little girl was going to be ok. I thanked God. He had answered my prayers.I thank God every day for this child. She is so free spirited, funny, her eyes twinkle when she smiles, she is smarty, too smart sometimes, she is beautiful, I am proud of her, she has brought joy to my life, she has been a rock for me and most of all she makes me enjoy life and smile every day.

Too Much Food

We had a great Thanksgiving. We went to my mom and stepdad's house for brunch. My 2 brothers were there with their familys. It was very laid back and yummy. The only problem is when you get the 3 boys together. My nephew is 6 and the boys are 8. I have "Z" every other week. He is like one of my own. We all sat around with our full bellies and watched all the kids play. Crazy.

We then headed off to hubby's mom house. That can be stressfull at times. His grandma is rather cranky. She was not too bad on Thanksgiving. We ate some more, sat around, caught up with his Uncle and his wife. All in all it was a very nice Thanksgiving.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

I am thankful for so many things. I could not do a post about it. I am just wanting everyone to have a safe and happy holiday.
Tammy and family

Wordless Wednesday

Mean girls

I forgot just how mean girls can be. Teenage girls. Becca has had the same seven girls that hang out. One has been her friend sense first grade. She is the meanest. She is always putting Becca down. In the 7th grade her mom felt Becca and another girl were not including her. Well, Becca had been friends with the other girl as well for awhile. The other girl did not hang out with the other girl. Becca got caught in the middle. She wanted to be both their friend. Becca and I talked about what she could do to improve it. She tried to include both of the girls.

Now, this drama has pretty much been going on sense the 6th grade, 3 years now. Well, I have had it and so has Becca. She stood up to the girl today. (1st grade friend). She pretty much told her, if you don't have anything nice to say to me, then don't talk to me. You go girl. Becca was pretty much tired of her comments, such as "you really should wear cover up over your freckles" (hello she is a red head) "your breath stinks, did you brush your teeth?" (how about asking her if she would like a piece of gum", making fun of her shirt then wearing the same shirt the next week. The topping on the cake was "How dumb can you be, that test was easy, I got an A". Becca studied hard for a final and got a B on it. She has a hard time with test. She freezes, just like when she is up to bat.

The girl called and wanted Becca to hang out after school tomorrow. Becca told her she didn't want to because, she didn't like how she would always put her down. So she hung up on Becca. Becca's comment on that, "Guess, she wasn't a good friend"
I know this is not the best picture but I love that her reflection is in the picture. Washington DC.

Not Me! Monday?

I am new at this so bear with me,

I did not make the kids go back to bed this morning because it was too early. I did not bury myself under the covers this morning because it was too early. I did not stay up late playing a game on the computer last night. I did not sneak a mid night snack. I did not crawl out of bed put on a hat, go to coffee shop and get a mocha. I did not cry with my brother last night. I did not wonder all night if he was ok. I did not snuggle up with the hubby with my cold feet this morning and laugh.

Normal?

My feelings of missing Frank (girls dad) become so alive and raw this time every year. I become so moody and edgey. I just want to bury myself into a project or two.

Somedays Curtis just doesn't understand. Part of it is I will not let him in all the way to understand. I know, it's not fair. I guess, I am afraid to get hurt. But, in the long run, I'm still getting hurt and hurting him.

I often wonder what my life would be like. How would it be different. For some strange reason God wants me to take this path. It has made me a strong person. I can be too serious at times, but then too silly. I am who I am today because of Frank. When he died he left me with no income, 2 small girls, irs debt, medical bills and 2 car payments. We rented our house at the time so no house payment. It truely taught me to be stronger and not take life for granted.

He has missed out on alot. I know he is watching us and would be proud of who we have become. I think I have done a great job at raising the girls. They might even be normal. But what is normal?

2 sisters fighting last year on the floor.

Random thoughts for today.

Why do I always feel like I have to stick up for the kids. Curtis always finds something that they have not done or have not done right. Then it just ends up a fight with us. This feeling is getting old. Just my thoughts for today.
It just makes me miss the girl's dad even more.

Wordless Wednesday

Just Coffee Right?

The coffee maker broke yesterday, actually I tried to booty fab it last week. Curtis offered to go get me a coffee, nan. I will wait and get regualar coffee at the corner mart. Well, Britt had an errand to run before school and she offered to pick one up. She had a free one. Well, who would have thought that would have pissed Curtis off this morning and set the mood for the day.
We all know I have to have the last word, well, I just egged it on, on, and on. Looks like he won't be speaking to me for the rest of the day. Should be pretty quite around.
It's just coffee right?

My favorites

My men

like this one but curtis isn't in the picture all the way

I have a funny smile but we had been laughing

trouble

sisterly love

Family Pictures

questionable

We spent over an hour at the park trying to take some family pictures. When did it become so hard to get all of us together? We have "Drama Queen" that doesn't want to be part of the family. Red was glad to be there. The boys................just hate to have their picture taken. I look fat. Come on I have lost 25 lbs but my face. The jeans I have on (which are new) give me saggy ass. How come my daughters didn't let me know this? Hubby, he never says anything. We were using a pos camera. I am hoping for a new for xmas. Wish, wish, please, Santa. Maybe, I will have to try again next weekend for some pictures of the family. I might, even have to buy some jeans that fit. 15 more pounds and I will be at my goal weight. I think I can. I think I can. This one is ok.Like this one

Difficult

Some days I just feel like crawling under the covers and going back to bed. Today is one of those days.
Trying to get all the kids ready for family pictures at the park. There just seems to be too much teenage drama. Who knew it was too hard to wear what I ask or that your hair has some frizz. Girls. Gotta love them.

Teenage Drama and a chilli feed.

Cinnamon rolls (our batch) Truck trophies from this year

We belong to a racing team, Curtis races his ford truck (mud drags) and his trash derby car. Our team is holding a bake sale and chilli feed today. I am unable to go because the boys have a basketball game today.

I finished up my cinnamon rolls last night, everything was packed and ready to go. Well, we over slept but Britt was up and ready to go. I asked her why she didn't wake us up, "you are adults didn't know I needed to" Wow, that set the mood this morning that no amount of coffee can cure. Hopefully the day will get better.

Hmmmm, how late?

Why must I wait until the last minute? I have to make 3 dozen jumbo cinnamon rolls for a bake sale tomorrow. I am sitting her waiting for the dough to raise. Wonder how late I will be up tonight? Will post pictures of the finished product. Wish me luck.

What have we been up to?

Life has just entered the fast lane the past 6 weeks. I have just got in buckled up and hung on for dear life.

I am not even sure where to start. Britt has been getting ready for college and the service. Thats right the service. She has been looking at the airforce and army. She would like to council veterans. She is looking at 6 years of school and service.

Her part time job, started getting in the way of school. We encouraged her to give her notice. We really feel she needs to at this point focus on school and graduation.

Becca has just been trying to find her nich in high school. She had basketball tryouts and made jv. She has open gym for softball on Sundays, so that's where she spends her weekend. If she had her way she would be playing softball on the time. We have been looking for camps. The top choice is CWU.

The boys, are keeping us on our toes. Soccer is over. Basketball started, it is kind of lame if you ask me. We found out we have a "mat club" We ended up signing the boys up for wrestling also. We go to wrestling on Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. They have basketball on Thursday (before wrestling) and Saturday. I don't believe in having kids do 2 sports at this age but they love wrestling which goes until the end of Feb and basketball ends Dec 13th. It is a very good thing we have late start every Friday morning. Dalton did not want to do wrestling but gave 2 practices a try and he loves it. We try and not have the boys wrestle each other. It makes them very happy. I just don't get why they want to be so different. They are twins.

In other news, my dad won the race for mayor of our small rural town. Congrats. There seems to be alot of city council drama going on right now. Oh well, politics for you. Hopefully, I will keep up with this.

I close with some pictures.......

I believe in her

I believe in her. Red had basketball tryouts this week. She made jv but they want her to swing and play jv2. I am not sure how she feels about that but she said she is ok with it. There was 2 players that were asked to play swing because, coach wanted them to help with the others because he was impressed with them. I just don't know how it works.

Red did not want to try out for basketball this year. I really wanted her to because, I believe in her. I guess, I should have not pushed. Some of her friends made the big "V" but she is ok with that. She said she know she will get more playing time than the others. I just don't know how some coaches think but that is why I don't coach.

I just wanted her to know "I believe in her"

Woo Hoo

I met Ford's brother's lady friend. You know the co worker. The one that was hanging out in the carport drinking beer the other night. It still unnerves me. Is that even a word? She didn't have much to say. And as always, I had my wall up. Both Fords seem rather relaxed around her. That made me feel uncomfortable. That's ok. In two weeks she will be on my turf when we go to the races. My space and friends. I don't even know why I feel so uncomfortable about the whole thing other than the fact that, I don't know her and my husband talks about her. I just need to let it go at this point.
On a side note, we went to a debate last night. WOW! The daggers were out. I think, that is enough said on that. I don't want it to come back and bite me or someone else in the butt. Maybe, later.
FYI in the past 9 weeks I have lost 24 pounds. I am jazzed. I was so pissed yesterday, why? I couldn't find any pants that fit or shirts. Time to go shopping. Not, yet. I would like to lose 15 more pounds. Then shopping.

Do I have a right to be mad?

That's my question I keep asking myself. Do I have a right to be mad? About a month ago, Ford got off work early. Ok. A day that they didn't have to work until that morning. They had already put in 4 12 hour days. Friday was a day off and that meant a 3 day weekend. Anyways, off track here. They all hung around the yard and had drank beer. By all, that also included the female truck driver (whom, I never met and he had lunch with one day). Ok, fine. Whatever. I don't mind that he has beer, stays late. He works hard. What I do mind is the fact of no phone call. Got over that. Done.
Ford's brother has been now seeing female truck driver. They came over to the house on Sunday. But guess what? I didn't know she was with him. I had seen brother was here. I was inside getting stuff ready for this week. Going about my business. They sat out in the carport for 1 1/2 hr chit chatting and having beer. What the hell!!! They left when, I told the kids to come in and start getting their stuff lined out for school this week. That's when one of the boys told me F's brothers girlfriend was out there. What the hell again!!!
I am pissed. Not just plain pissed, fire breathing pissed. So, I asked Ford about. What I can't meet brothers girlfriend? Are you embassared by me? His words "No, I just didn't think about it" Your wife is inside getting everyone's stuff ready for the week, and you just forgot? Our house, and you don't think about your wife being inside? He told me to let it be. To forget it. No! Not on your life buddy. I want answers.
On a side note, yesterday I woke up with an earache. Ford gets off work early and lets me know that brother and gfriend are coming over to get bikes. They get here and he wants me to meet her. Go to hell dude. I barely, got out of bed yesterday, because of said earache. I am in sweats and my hair is matted to my head, cotton in my ear, and dragon breath. Not happening, but I am the one making it an issue.
Yah, maybe, I should have meet her. But come on, it is another women that my husband hangs with and I need to look my best. Right?
I tried to ask him how he would feel if "I had a male come over, hang out in the kitchen, drink some wine and do some cooking?" It would be ok, why? Because, any male that would want to do that is gay! and he has nothing to worry about. Ok! It's your story and I am sticking you to it. Let's find out!
But, the real question is, do I have a right to be mad? I think I do but he tells me to get over it.

Time flys when we are having fun. Right?

I can not believe how time has gotten away from me. Five weeks with no blogging. It hasn't been because, I didn't want to, it has been because we have been so busy. October, is coming around the corner and I am not sure where the year has gone.

Becca had her 14th birthday. I took her shopping and just last week she had a sleep over with her friends. It was the first home football game. We live 2 blocks from the field so it's nice when they all hang out after school and walk to the game. The fun part began, when we had to get them all to the dance, which is located at the high school. The football field is close to where the old high school was until a earth quake knocked it down about 15 years ago. Her first real high school dance. She loved it and is loving high school.
She still hangs out with her friends from jr high but has made new ones, some are upper classmen, which play the same sports as she does. Yep, she is my little social butterfly lately. Now only if I could make her clean her room.

Britt is in her last year of high school. Each day it changes on what she wants to do when school is out. I think she is looking towords Air force. You go girl. She is a leader and I think the service would be good for her. She is involved with ASB at school and is busy every night of the week between school and work.
She got her senior pictures done two weeks ago. Man, has my little girl grown up. Some of them look just like me, some of them look just like Becca, some I can see her dad, and some look just like the sweet little girl I had 17 years ago. My time flys.

The boys, glad they are back in school. If they are not busy, they are under feet. They just turned 8. WOW! They are really coming into their own. They each have different friends, differnt habits. They even like to play different spots in soccer. Yes, they play soccer. That is only because, they can't play football until 3rd grade. Speaking of football. I got a call from my ex brother in law. He has 3 boys. 2 are the same age as the girls. They youngest 2 were playing football out in our area. They wanted us to come and watch. I had a blast. I love hanging out with him. I miss the old times so much. I love my life now but miss him and the boys. Anyways, one of my newphews, is 3 months younger than Becca, but they could be twins. They are built the same way, same face shape, hair color, both good at sports, and a grin that will have you wondering what they are up to.
So much more is going on and I will have to share more later. I need to get back into a routine. Take care.

Tid Bits

Things here have been so crazy. Brittani made it home safe and sound. We all went to the airport. I don't know who cried more me or her. It was just a long time away from her with out being able to call her every day. Would have done something different. Oh well.
I seem to have my 6 year old nephew every day now. My brother has finally gotten temp custady him. The best thing for him.
The boys start soccer practice next week. Need to find cleats and shin guards. I can't believe how fast the summer has gone. Both girls will be in high school. Just shaking my head.
The girls went and saw their dad's family last week. They had not seen the girls in almost 2 yrs. I want to post a whole entry about this later. Just a big mess. sigh.
Hopefully, I will have time tonight. We are off to the beach for the day tomorrow. They say 99 in the valley tomorrow. Too hot for me.

Roller Coaster Ride

That is how the past two weeks have been. We have just been so busy. Becca has been home this week. Boy, did the boys miss her. I missed her too. It is so great to have her home. Britt will be home tomorrow. Whew. It has been a long three weeks. I haven't heard her voice for over two weeks. I have talked to her via email twice and a text. I don't know what I will do when she moves out or goes into the service?!
Not much else other than my brother's ex wife shit but, that's not my problem and not really wanting to get into other than wacked out.

I miss her

Because, I miss her sweet smile, giggle, and her glem in her eyes when she tells me something she enjoys.

I got a phone call late Sunday night/Monday morning at 1:00 am. "My atm card won't work! I can't get any money out" I had this panic go through my body what's wrong when the phone rang. The last thing I was worried about was Britt. My step dad is out of the country also. My brother just went thru a nasty marriage. My mother in law has cancer. Britt was the last thing on my mind. I thought we had everything covered when she left. We did everything they told us.
I camly told her it would have to wait until Monday morning. But it is Monday morning and I have no money. I can't do anything until the bank opens in 9 hours. Oh yah, I could see her smile. The glem in her eyes.
I went to the bank. They forgot to send the email to the card office. I left 45 minutes later, why so long. I wanted to make sure, it was taken care of. I was not leaving until I knew my daughter had money. Got home and sent her an email. Looks like it's ago. I was wrong so wrong. Bank calls yesterday. She keeps on trying to access checking, well they don't give you a choice. And to top it off you can NOT access saving accounts. Why didn't the bank know this? Hello! I am hoping the problem is solved. I opened a checking account and attached her bank card to it. So, it looks like it is ago for her to have money. Hopefully, tonight or tomorrow morning. Otherwise, I can try and Western Union her some money. Hello..........she is basically backpacking thru Europe.
I hope to know that she has gotten money soon. Time to go check the bank and find out. Then, I will know she is smiling.

Phone Call

I got a 3 minute phone call from Britt. We had a bad signal on my cell phone going thru the mountains on our we to the beach.
She is having a blast and misses everyone. She said Italy was dirty and stinky. (I guess, they are on a garbage strike.) She is sick of pasta and bread. Oh my, favorite. She is now in France. They went to the beach yesterday. Tomorrow, she will be staying with a family. I hope I will have another phone call.
I will update more about our weekend later.

Sucks!!!!!!!!!

Today has been such a trying day. First, Becca is home sick in Seattle with my step sister and her family. What am I to do. She is not eating and crying. I told her I would come and get her but she wants to stick it out. If she is not happy...................I hate it when my kids hurt.
The boys have been hell on wheels today. Why? I guess, maybe because ford and I had a fight last night. We don't agree on how certain things should be handled. I don't believe in spanking with a belt. He does. With out going into a of detail but my dad raised us with a firm hand. I don't want my kids raised that way. When ford get really tired, he has no patience with the kids. It has gotten worse over the past 6 months. Mainly, when his mom found out she had cancer. Sometimes, he just leaves my heart aching. I am not sure if his love is healthly for us. If that makes any sense? I don't want to live the rest of my life walking on egg shells. Hell, life is too short. Trust me.
I know I could raise the kids on my own. I don't want to. I want us to be a family and that is slipping away so fast. The girls are older and doing their own thing.
I just feel he sometimes takes everything and turns it around. Which, then makes me the bad guy. What the hell! I am the one that holds this family together. He is the one that comes home...............works on truck, eats, and goes to bed. Maybe, he's not happy. I just wish he would tell so I would know.

Email

I got an email from Britt. She is alive and well. She is having a hard time with the phones. She is having a blast and she did repell down the castle wall. Brave for her. I am so happy for her. My mood today has been on cloud nine. I think I smiled all day today. What a relief. More to come later.

Breath Deeply

Still no word! It is after midnight in Assisi Italy. Day 4 without hearing from her. I am sure it is because, phones and time are hard to find. I know they changed hotels. I was hoping for some sort of word from her today.
I hope she is having a blast. I wish I could so be there. Maybe, Ford and I can take a vacation there some day. I would have to lose weight first. I should make that a goal.
I know on Tuesday, they stay with a host family. Hopefully, I will get a call then. I am praying for a call then. I should have gotten the international cell phone rental. Oh well. I just need to breath deeply.

The Waiting Game

I have yet to hear from Britt. They are 9 hours ahead of us. I was hoping to hear from her today. I know some of the hotels don't have phones in the rooms and she is very busy. I did get a call from the phone tree and I know she landed safely and off they went.
I wish I would have done things differently. Such as a international cell phone, which I could have rented but didn't. I got her a international calling card to call from a pay phone.
Today they were going to the Vatican. I hope she is taking lots of pictures. They leave Rome tomorrow morning and head to Assisi Italy.
I will just wait and see if she calls. The waiting game is on.

Offical

Britt is off on an airplane across the ocean. We left the house this morning at 3 am to get to the airport. They started checking in the group at 4:15 got her checked in, something to eat, group photo and off thru securtiy. We said our good byes with tears, hugs, I love yous, and the I love you sign. I watched her walk thru security and to the other side. I am so scared and sad. She does not have her cell phone. I just hopes she knows how much I love her and how proud I am of her.
They left Portland landed in New York. Had a 4 hour lay over. I just checked on their flight to Italy and it will be 2 hours late. What the hell happened? I have know way of knowing. I can track her flight on-line. She has 4 hours of flight over the big wide sea. I know I will not be sleeping tonight and waiting for my phone tree call in the morning. I can get up at 3 and check to see if she landed. Italy is 9 hours ahead of us. I am hoping she is sleeping on the plane. I am sure she will be ok.
Britt I am very proud of you and glad you are my daughter. I am hoping for you to have a safe, wonderfull trip of a life time. I will be glad to see your smile in 20 days and counting. Love Mom

speachless

Happy 4th of July. We had a softball tournament all day. We lost all three of our games but Red played awsome. She had her game face on. I am very proud of her. There is a very stuck up group of moms that do not sit with any of the other parents or cheer on anyone elses kids. I was reminded today not to let it get to me. "They put their clothes on just like we do and their shit smells just like ours" I just get so angry. But, that in itself is a whole other post for another time.
We are able to watch the fireworks from our driveway and enjoy them. I didn't watch but the kids did. I let Brit go off to a party. Big mistake. Her best friend, brought her home and she was so drunk. I am at a loss of words at this point. She leaves for Europe next Sunday. It is one thing that is not acceptable in our house. I don't even know where to begin or what kind of punishment I need to do. I would love to know what she was thinking. At this point, I put a sleeping bag in the backyard and drug her ass out there. I guess, we will deal with it in the morning. Oh yah, she works tomorrow (today) from 11-9. We will see what happens. Some more fireworks;)

Yard work

My poor backyard looks like shit. I have these ideas but never seem to follow thru all the way. I want an island get away back there. I want to be able to sit out there and enjoy it. But it never happens that way. Another, summer is here and still so much work to do. I just need to spend the money and get it done right. It doesn't help that we are so busy with sports and racing that it doesn't happen. I broke the lawn mower last week and had to borrow my dad's. When, will it ever end?

Sleep?

Sleep, what's that? Parker has been having problems with his asthma. We have been up for 4 nights in a row now. I wish, I could help him. I wish, I could make him all better, but I can't. I can only do what I have been doing. Treating it.
The doctors thought he might just out grow it. It has been getting worse as the weather has been getting hotter. He can't even enjoy playing outside, for a short time. We have never set limits with his asthma. Be a kid and go play. I am thinking, we might have to. I don't want to but, it can't be good for him to be using the machine for medicine all the time. All, the medicine can't be good for him either. I am going to have to call the doctor and see what we can do new. We have done so many things to the house and our lives to help prevent his asthma. I will have to wait and see what we come up with.
On a side note, I still have problems with the girl at C's work. It still bugs me. I guess, I just need to get over it but I can't.
C raced this weekend. The truck is still having the same problems as before. He took 3rd because of over heating problems again. Thought it was fixed but............guess not.
Becca had a tournament last weekend. They took 4th in the gold bracket. Not too bad. Some of the parents aren't too happy with coach. Not too sure what's up with him but, he has changed and Becca can't wait for the season to be over. She is really tired of the "special" ones not getting yelled at for their errors. High school ball is just around the corner. Earned spots and not just handed to them. She knows, she will earn her spot and the fact that she earned it rightfully.
Well, I think he might be down for the night. I sure hope so.

Unsure

This is so personal but I had to vent somewhere to someone. Curtis started a new job. YAH! He driving a dump truck. They have eight truck drivers, 2 are women. The 1st day he told me about both of them. Infact, one lives in the same town as us. He told me that she was pretty, not married (no ring, shit, I don't wear my ring sometimes) and he would like to fix her up with his brother. Hey cool.
Remember, this is just his first week on the job. They don't ride in the same truck, or work in the same little office space.
I found out yesterday they went to lunch together and he bought. What the hell? I worked in the mechial business for 3 years and never went to lunch with any of the guys, or let them buy me lunch. I was even single at the time. Many of times they asked me out after work to have drinks. Never!
He said, I am over reacting but it makes me feel so uneasy. I don't even know why he makes me feel this way. He has never done anything like this before. We are talking about my marriage here. The man I took vows with. We didn't even speak more last night. I was too upset.

Hmmmmm

This past week things have been so busy. Curtis went back to work. He has been working 11 to 13 hour days. It will make a nice paycheck when he gets one.We have had a hard time adjusting to him being gone. There are so many unfinished projects. I will have to try and get them done. I hate being outside doing yard work. It makes me sneeze, cry and itch. I need help!

We finished up with summer basketball yesterday they were 2 wins 2 losses. There were some tuff teams out there. Softball still goes until after the 4th of July. We are still going strong and good.

Parker stepped on a nail 2 weeks ago. Almost went thru his foot. Ended up taking him to the dr and on antibotices. Crazy kid, his asthma is acting up bad. We are just trying to get it under control and off so many meds. I hate to see him all drugged up. Doesn't know if he coming or going.

Curtis had races over fathers day weekend. He raced both trucks. The chevy took 4th and the ford................is a whole other blog day. We were on a winning streak and the battery got too hot and shut us down. Shit. We were the only ones that going into the finals without any losses. Four trucks left and she just got too hot. Hopefully, that will be fixed before next weekend. Races again. I will have to miss those do to my daughter playing softball.

The ford got a new paint job and I am going to see if I can post a picture of it.

Milestones and unhappiness

Another milestone without Frank....................Red had her 8th grade graduation yesterday. Not that she remembers him but he should have been there. She wears his number on her jersey proud. Why did you have to leave us, them. They needed you all this time. I needed you and still need you.
I am so unhappy right now. Even the kids are unhappy. How do I fix it? I hate waking up and not knowing what kind of mood he will be in. Everything, has to be on his terms and at this point I can't do it any more. What do I need to do so he can know he is emotionally hurting us? All my support is sucked dry.
I will have to figure this one out on my own......................................

Breath deeply. Just breath.

That is what I have to tell myself every day. There has been so much going on and so little time to tell or not even finding the right words.

Drama I am so sick of 8th grade drama! Petty little teenage girls. I didn't know it would get so bad. Who thought little sweet girls could be so evil. Yep, that's right, EVIL. Mine's not evil but she is not a saint either. One minute they are all friends and turn around back stabbing each other. I know in high school it gets better but enough is enough. I also feel the parents are in on this also. One parent, just wants her daughter to be #1 and she will do anything to get her daughter there. She doesnt even care who they walk over or what pull they use. *off soap box*

We are doing softball and summer basketball for the high school. Thats right high school. She got to be a starter on the jv team. I am one proud momma. The older girls were telling her good job and one parent even came up and praised her. She did that all on her own. She got there with her skills. She still is unsure of her skills but they will come in time. We moved up a level in softball and have had a week off back to the grind.

Europe is around the corner. Britt is getting so jazzed for it. Two more classes and she will be a Senior, where did the time go? She has been working like a fool to rack up some bank.

We hit another year without their dad. For some reason or another Britt and I were rather angry. Another, mile stone he missed. He has been gone longer than the girls were alive. So unfair. That is another post for another day when I have my thoughts and questions more together to share. I did start a journal shortly after he died. I have been thinking about sharing my thoughts soon on here. They were so raw back then, now I think they are just pushed to the side so I don't have to deal with them. Does anyone ever deal with death? I still can't. It just is so unfair and stinks. I could go on more but I don't want to right now.

We spent the day with the boys and their class at OMSI. It was pretty fun but let me tell you, I would much rather have 40 8th graders than 20 1st and 2nd graders. I came home and had a nice glass of wine or two. I just forgot how much engery they all had. They are just so dang cute but.................
Parker is home sick today, fever and body aches. Thought this crap was over?! The sun is out today and only 3 days of school left. Yep! 3 days before the headache begins. I wonder how much wine I am going to need this summer? haha

Weekend Play

Red had a softball tournament over the weekend in the hot hot hot weather. They play 3 games each day. They took 4th. (out of 6 teams). They had fun.
We got burnt. Even with sunscreen and cover.
We did get bumped up in league. At least, there should be some tuff teams. Unlike, the other teams we were beating by landslides.
The boys stayed home with Grandma and played with her all day. They just need to spend as much time with as they can. We really, don't know how much time she has left. Each day is a new day for her. Curtis understands and accepts she may not have alot of time left. He just doesn't want her in pain and to suffer. I on the other hand, am just numb. I don't know what to feel. God has dealt me so much loss in my life already. It is just a motion now to go with things.
That time of year is coming again. I really don't know if I have any feeling left to give him or if the grief just has sucked it all out. That is a whole another post.

Sadness

I am really upset about CSI. I just can't believe how it ended. I just wanted to scream. I love all three CSIs but tonight, I cried. I am just really sad.
Red had a softball game tonight. She did AWSOME. She did a ground double, got hit, and hit another ground double tonight. She made it home safe each time. This was a good team. It looks like we will be moving up a level in softball because we are beating all the teams by alot. We have a tournament this weekend. Should be fun.

Tid bits

Things here are busy as always. Softball is in full swing. We have a big game on Thursday and a tournament. Yah. Bad thing summer has hit. Yep, thats right. We are going to be in the 90s. We haven't been able to get out of the 60s and now the heat wave. I had to go out a buy sunscreen for Red. The poor girl just fries. Softball games in the heat. Gotta love that.
Summer is going to get crazy soon. We are having a hard time with scheduling. Everyone, needs to be in different places at once or Red needs to be in 3 places at once. We aren't use to two sports at once with her but now that high school is around the corner she can practice with the high school girls for basketball. Both coaches have been working around each others schedules which is nice.
School is almost out. June 4th. What am I going to do with all of them home. Looking for stuff to keep everyone busy. Maybe, the boys will take swim lessons. They love the water.
Just an off topic piss me off thing. I have been reading this blog, they have gone private. Wanted readers to email or leave a comment if they wanted to keep reading. Leave a little note, that I would like to keep on reading. I guess, I didnt cut it. I am no longer aloud access. So not fair.

softball

We won. Yah! First game and we won 14-4. Red played awsome and did good. She played short stop and catcher tonight. She did have some errors at short stop but thats ok. She is her worst enemy. She is ready for her next game. Good job RED.

Race Truck

Curtis has been working on his second race truck. Just about everything has been free. Given to him by friends or his brother. We only have roughly 200. into. Not bad for a hobby. He has been outside painting it apple red instead of 4 different colors. I just need to learn how to post up pictures of it.
The other race truck is going to actully get a real paint job. We take it to a friends this weekend. No more rattle can. The ford is just where he wants it so it's time to maybe put a real paint job on it. We are hoping it looks like we want. I am going to take some pictures of the trucks and see if I can post them up. Wish me luck.
Races start in June. Then they are over in August. Short hobby time for him. Sometimes, we can come across one in October. It's alot of fun but takes up alot of our family summer time. But as the girls are getting older they are wanting to do more things with their friends and less with us. I guess, thats a good thing with the age difference. The boys still like to do their family time. Yah. Still loved.

The BOYS

The boys?! Well, they keep me on my toes. The school called today, Parker had an upset tummy. I go up to the school and he is passed out on a cot fast asleep. It took me awhile to wake him and get him out to the car. He felt fine when we got home. Just must of been tired from the weekend and Grandpa visting for 2 weeks. Yep, 2 weeks.
Parker and Dalton are not playing any spring sports this year. I really wish they wanted to but they didnt. We go to the park and play for over an hour to get rid of the extra engery that they carry around. Today, Dalton fell and got hurt. You would have thought that some was trying to beat him the way he was crying.
I am really not sure what I am going to do when school is out to keep them busy. hmmm any ideas?

I wipe her tears

Tennis season for the high school is coming to a close. The only sport Brit plays. The coach has been a real butthole. If you are not a friend of his daughter then basically you don't play on V. Last year, they set up tennis leasons with a pro and never told Brit. They told everyone else.
This morning he had changells for #4 doubles on V. Brit and her partner lost. It's the end of her world. None of coaches favorites had to changel. He has made comments in the past about her working during tennis season. Work has never been a problem during tennis season. Her boss works around her tennis schedule.
The coach always talks about his daughter and her friends in the paper. I wish I could complain to the school. I want to so bad. The only problem...............................he is my step-brother. What am I to do? There is so much more to this story but that would take forever and I don't want to stir trouble.
It looks like she will never play again as long as he is coach. He even ruined basketball for her, her freshman year. They fired him from the coaching job but let him still do tennis. Which, he got only because, my step-dad stepped down. Maybe, it needs to be brought to the higher ups at the high school about his favoritisim. I will think about it. For now, I dry her tears today.

Europe

Brit is going to travel for 3 weeks in Europe. I am having a hard time letting her go. She is traveling with 39 other students from Oregon schools. The so called "leader of the pack" is giving me HUGE doubts. In March, they called wanting to know why Brit had not been to any of the meetings. What the hell are they taking about? She was there, I was there, Curtis was there and Papa was there. How do you not know she was not there? The leader herself checked her in. I am to trust this women with my daughter in another country? Then, we get an email wanting to know why she has not done her test. Wait a minute.............those are done. Might, want to double check that one. Then, yet another email today. Her name is not on the list. HELLO! You took my money but now her name shows no payment. Let's just hope this is a computer thing and not the "leader of the pack" trying to loose her. I am having some major issues letting her go with this women. Hopefully, we can get this all straightened out this Sunday at the meeting. Oh Yah, we don't go to those meetings. haha

Ice Cream

Ice Cream. Friend or Foe? Ice Cream is my all time weekness that and captains morgan rum.
Ice cream is my friend, it makes me feel better when I am sad. It is good with a good chick flick. Ice cream goes with whatever I wear. Ice cream makes me smile. Ice cream makes me happy expect when I have gained weight. Friend or Foe?

Softball

Yep. That's right! Softball season. The only problem the weather sucks. We had snow over the weekend. In April. Here in Oregon. Now it is just raining but how are we to play ball? Curtis coaches "Red's" team. I am the uniform cooridnator for all teams. I did not know just how much work this year was going to be. Last year was easy but this year................parents are just down right petty. Coaches are demanding. I am one person and can only work so fast, then it is up to the printer and how fast he can work. Pictures are next Friday, uniforms won't be handed out until Monday and some coaches are ticked about. Hello, I have less than 3 weeks to inventory, purchase, print and hand out uniforms. Somethings were on backorder and then some parents thought they needed to change uniform sizes. Games don't start until 2nd week of May. Thinking this might be my last year. Red will be play high school ball next year. YAH! I can not wait.
On another note. Curtis took his mom to the dr today. She will have to have 6 weeks of chemo once she is completely healed. Lil Grandma is grouchier than ever. Hopefully, Curtis will be back to work soon. (fingers crossed. He is driving me NUTS) I will then have to take her to her dr appointments. I don't mind.
Today is our wedding anniversary. Eight years. Seems like forever. We don't have anything planned. The days and evenings are packed with kid's stuff. Maybe, Saturday we can sneak away. Who knows. Time to finish up my chores. Never ending.......................Tammy

Spring Break

Spring Break what a blast. Washington DC and New York with 42 13-14 year old 8th graders and 12 adults. We left the red eye flight on a Saturday night from Portland Oregon to Chicigo then onto Washington DC Easter morning. We had Easter break at Hard Rock Cafe.
We saw so much and did so many things. Trying to remember everything.........Mt Vernon, The White House, Congress, Monuments, Memorials, Thomas Jefferson's Home, Michie's Taveran, changing of the guard. My favorite. I am sure I left something out and that was just DC. We also checked out U of V. What a beautiful college. I want to go back to school and go there.
We then went onto New York and TIME SQUARE. We road the ferry to Ellis Island, Statue of Liberity, ground zero, churchs, 5th ave (talk about some bling bling), The Today Show, (a couple of students were on tv).
We went to a broadway play. Momma Mia. Wonderfull!!!!!We had 5th row seats. It was great. The kids loved it. We even saw an off beat play, Shear Madness. It is a who done it play.
We ate alot of great food. Hotels were awsome. A whole queen bed to myself. I felt like I was at a spa. I wore a step meter and on an average we walked 7 miles a day. WOW! Now, if I could do that every day at home.
I was glad to be home, missed my boys and Brittani. I am ready though to go again.

Shame on me!

I think I have been lost. I am sure I will have to make three different post out of this beings it has been almost two months. Bad Blogger!
Life has spun out of control. Alot has happened. A week long trip to New York and Washington DC. Been sick twice. The boys have been sick. Basketball ended, softball and tennis began. I am the uniform cooridnator for softball. Curtis coaches. It has taken up all our time. But the worse news of all came just about six weeks ago...............Curtis' mom had found out she had colon cancer.
1st opinion and 2nd opinion the same. She has a tumor growning in her bum hole. It has attached itself to the muscle. We can do radation and chemo. It may or may not work. But the best is to have it removed. She chose, to have it removed and now has a bum hole and a bag on her side. She was in the hospital over a week. She had a very had time recovering from the surgery and getting her insides to work again. She is now home and recovering nicely. She will have to do chemo as it was found in a lymp noid. This has taken up alot of our time due to hospital visits and dr visits. This has been very had on Curtis. His family is very small. He can barely handle the house when I am sick let along having to take care of his mom. As it is he got laid off five weeks ago so, all though it was a pay cut it has given him time to take care of his mom. Hopefully, work will pick up again and he will stop driving me crazy.
I will post more later about my week long trip to New York and Washington DC. What a blast. I promise to be back tomorrow.

Worst Blogger

I made a comment to blog everyday or atleast every other day. No go so far. Things here have been rather out of sorts.
I know God gives you as much as he thinks you can handle but geez my plate is so full. I never thought in a million years how hard four kids could be.
B is starting tennis, leadership, student council and she works. She is also preparing for 3 weeks of Europe. Red is still doing basketball but open gyms for softball have started. We have had 4 games in the the last 4 days. Yes, even on Sunday. Curtis also coaches basketball and softball. His work has slowed down and now they work 4 10 hour days but he spends the rest of the time working on his race truck. The first race is March 29th the day after I come back from a week long school trip to Washington DC and New York with 40 other people. HELP.
Curtis has been sick. They are not sure what is wrong with him. He saw a specialist, he breaks out into hives all the time with a cronic cough. They seem to have the cough undercontrol now but the hives. It has to do with his immune system attacking itself??? He goes back to the dr on Monday, and retest. Hopefully, they will know what is wrong.
I have been trying to finish up home improvements that I have started. I got in hinges and knobs for the kitchen cabinets. 1970s home with the 1970s hardware. I did one cabinet it looks great. 17 more to go. I will have to figure out how to post some before and after pictures. Well, dishes are calling me. I will be back tomorrow. Promise.

Sick kids updated

So far there has been NO chickenpox in our house. That's a good thing. P has ran a fever for 4 days now. Just a low grade on yesterday and today but he must be feeling better. He is the middle child and has the middle child tude. Love my son to death but boy he can be a handful. Whenl, D gets to do something and P doesn't. He will never let you live it down.
D got to go with Dad and Red today to play softball in the gym. He was going to shag the balls. P reminded us that it was his turn and not Ds. D got to go last time. When will it ever end? I just want a little peace and quite. lol

Sick Kids

The school called yesterday to say P had a fever. He ran a 103 all day yesterday. No other systoms. There have been a few reported chicken pox cases at the schools. My boys have gotten their shot but.............Red's best friend has the chickenpoxes and she too had her shot. So never say never. I will have to wait and see.
The boys have asthma and I am a firm believer of living a normal life and not letting it control you but you controlling it. Some of the meds they are on lower you immune system. You may have trouble fighting off infection. Excuse me but what the hell does that help with. It seems like when a new cold surfaces my sons get it. I feel like I am running in a circle.
In the home, I have done everything I can to keep us cold free and asthma related stuff clean. We have hardwood floors thru the whole house, special mattress pads on the beds, anything and everything for mold and dust.
But, we can't live in a bubble. We just want to be normal.

Believing in prayer.

For the longest time I had lost my way. Why? Because, God took the love of my life away. But, I soon began to realize it made me stronger. I was angery for awhile for taking away my husband but he had a much bigger plan for him.
I soon found my way again. I had a difficult pregnancy and delivary with the boys. I prayed. I prayed for their health and my health. I needed to be better for them and my daughters. 1 month after the boys were born Red had to have a tumor removed from her neck. I prayed. She was my baby and a spitting image of her dad. I prayed when my dad had a heart attack and triple by-pass.
Tonight, I pray for my oldest daughter who is stuggling with her dad's death. Yes, it has been 11 years. She is just wanting answers. Answers, I don't have. No one has. I pray that I will help her understand, which, I myself have a hard time understanding. Teenage years are hard. I believe God will help me in the right direction.

MY PAST

My past?!
We all have a past. It shapes who were are in the future. Right? What if I don't like how my past has shaped me? What if I miss someone so much that it aches everytime I think of them? That's how I feel today, yesterday and I know I will tomorrow.
I ache. My heart aches. My heart aches for him and it aches knowing my daughters will never remember their DAD.
Almost 11 years ago, my first true love, the person I loved with my "whole" heart, the person that changed me and made me who I am today, had children with ended his life. To this day I will never know why, other than the fact we were so in debt to the IRS, which he kept from me. I truely believe he died knowing we would be better off money wise. What he didn't know was how deeply hurt, I we would hurt from it.
He was a kind, gentle and loving person. He changed me from a shy country girl to an out going wild child. He brought out a part of me that I never knew was in there. A part that I liked being. I don't like who I am now. I think I have lost that wild child in me. She died when he died. I have to be grounded now. I have to think I am the only one left for my daughters. Don't get me wrong here............I did meet someone new. We did marry and have 2 boys of our own. He is a great person, husband, dad and stepdad. But, I think he got cheated. I couldn't give him my "whole" heart. It was broken and still is. It is a different kind of love. Our marriage is different. I am different. I don't let very new people into my life. I don't like to share my past with new people it's too hard or too private. I know it's not fair but I don't want to get hurt.
I want my past to be my past and quit being my future. I don't want to ache anymore and I want to love Curtis with my "whole" heart. Will my past ever go away?

4:30am

Why is it whenever, you get the flu it's in the wee morning hours. That's right. I woke up with the flu. I thought maybe, I ate something bad. Nope! I spent all day in bed and now I'm wide awake.
The kids felt the need to fight and the hubby felt the need to scream at the kids for fighting. Why? And why can't anyone take it upon themself to fix dinner, do the dishes or do aload of towels? Does the world stop when mom is sick? Thank goodness, there is no school tomorrow. The kids can do chores that did not get done this weekend and the mess they left me in the kitchen.

weekend news

Where does the time go? My niece turned 1 today. It just seems like yesterday she was born. She belongs to my youngest brother. He waited in life to get married and have kids. He's 33 by the time I was 33 I had 4 kids. Him and his wife (who is a kick in the pants and I enjoy her company) are wanting 2 more kids. I'm feeling old. I really don't think I would want a newborn at 34 or 35. I like my sleep too much.
R had a basketball game today. She has been playing with a sprained ankle. Infact, she had sat on the bench for 2 weeks because of it. She is still not herself, hopefully, by next weekend she will be. We have an out of town tournament. This tournament is always fun because it's at the beach. Not that the beach is nice on the west coast during the winter but we always look forword to it. The adults usally find a nice lounge to sit in at least one night. My parents will go with us and babysit the boys one night so we can hang with some adults. YAH!
Everyone else, is in bed and fast asleep for the night, I better get heading that way. Before, the big freeze comes our way next week. We are just use to the rain in Oregon but they are say in the teens brrrrrrrr.

Drama

Yesterday, was my niece's 13th birthday. Happy Birthday Katrina. You are now a teenager and all the drama that goes with it.
Speaking of drama, my brother and his wife are going thru a nasty "he did, he said, she did, she said" big D. My brother is not Katrina's dad but has been her step dad for over 10 years. She calls him dad and thinks of him as dad. Katrina's real dad has been in and out of her life except for the last 4 years he has stepped up to the plate.
My brother's soon-to-be ex-wife and I have never seen eye to eye. I think she is too wrapped up in herself. My brother is the better parent and has been for along time. Infact, she left my brother because she need "ME TIME" What the hell is that? She didn't want to be a mom anymore at this time. What a selfish person, as I see it. There are women out there that want to be mom's so bad and can't. Then, she comes along and just wants to kick them to the curb.
The drama keeps on going as we speak...........I have not talked to my brother's wife for over 6 months she has the balls to text me yesterday "Today is Katrina's bday. She is 13 years old. Her number is 555-555-5555. Thanks Meg." My response "Her bday is marked on the calendar, I have her # and there is no need for you to ever text me. If she would have talked to her own daughter on her birthday she would have known I had already talked to her.
For the last 6 months I have stood by my brother as he went thru hell. Held his hand as she slapped with with a restraining order. On lies. She has done nothing but lie, and cheat. He fought the restraining order and won. What does she get nothing. She now wants to get back together with my brother. Play time is over I guess, now. She knows now that the grass is not always green. My brother.........well, I can't be his support any more for him. It has taken it's toll on me and my family. He is thinking about making it work. I would say go for it but this is the 3rd time she has done this in 10 years. I don't think she will ever be happy.

stinky feet smell

Stinky feet............Why do little boys well, have to be little boys? The girls' rooms get messy. Clothes everywhere, books, homework and misc stuff. BUT, the boys' room stinks. I still help them clean their room but, I turn around and it is trashed. How hard is it to put the clothes in the hamper, put the toys in the toy box and not eat snack in there while we are playing? There is nothing worse than stepping on small legos and then chips. Are all little boys like that or just mine?

Tears, broken heart and more tears

B's boyfriend broke up with her today. As her mom, I just want to hold her and craddle her as I did many years ago. Her hurt is my hurt. I just want her tears to stop and her heart to mend. Why is it when, our children hurt it hurts so much more than when we do?

Me, Him, Girls, and Boys

Oh, the begining..........There's me. A stay at home mom to 4 kids. I know you thinking crazy lady. I love being a mom. As long as I can remember, that's all I wanted to be and a nurse. Never, did become a nurse but somedays I think I am. My house is so crazy, there isn't a day that goes by without some sort of drama.
Then we have Him. He works construction. He also coaches girls basketball and softball. At 1 point he coached kindergarden soccer. That didn't go too well. Not enought action. Him has a passion of racing. He has 2 trucks that he has built and MUD races. We spend most of summer racing. I have never raced, just been a passenger. Not ready for that yet.
I have 2 daughters........B is 16. She is lets say "The Princess"! She is nothing but a girly girl. Her favorite color is pink and she loves jewlery. She is a jr in high school, with a 3.90 gpa(proud mom), works part-time at a local pizza parlor, plays tennis, student goverment and will be spending 3 weeks in Europe of the summer. YIKES!
Then theres R. She is 13 and all around tomboy. Her nickname is Red (she has long red hair) Red is in the 8th grade with a 3.90 gpa (proud mom) She plays basketball and softball. On the basketball team she is known as the scrapper. Last year in softball she played up an age level. There were 2 girls picked to play up. She plays 3rd and catcher. If she could she would play softball all year long. Red is full of piss and vinigar, she is very strong willed and a day doesn't go by without her giving some gray hairs.
Well, then we have the boys. The boys are 7 and in the 1st grade. They are truely 100% boy from head to toe. I never knew what I was in for when the dr told me we were having twin boys. I think I almost passed out. I don't remember..........I think I might have truely lost my mind at the point. I can't remember. P and D keeps us going everyday. They hit the ground running. They also play sports, soccer, basketball, wrestling, and baseball. They can't wait until they are old enough to play football. YAH!
I was hoping to start blogging to keep an online journal everyday life. Maybe, I can look back one day and go "What have I gotten myself into?"